The BitterSweet Truth

Before you spit out your wine (or coffee depending on the time of day), hear me out! We’re all on the same team. The title is blunt and MY truth. As a mother of three young children ages 1, 3, and 5, I don’t have it all. I juggle so many roles it’s impossible for me to give hundred percent to each. I desperately wish I could! I wish I could be the perfect mother who makes three gourmet meals a day, while looking hot and sexy for my man, killing it at the gym and the hardest worker in the workplace. I just can’t! It doesn’t mean I feel defeated… that feeling rarely comes to me. I do my absolute best in each of those departments but my best that day could be different from yesterday’s best. Why do I rarely feel defeated you ask? Because I’ve lowered my standards. Sounds horrible I know but it’s really not! I say give it a try! It’s okay to serve Kraft mac & cheese on a day you’ve been struggling to catch your breath. It’s okay to not plan a weeks worth and wonderful crafts to keep your children occupied. And yes, it’s even okay to look like a hot mess when your partner walks in the door expecting to see their beautiful family and well put together house. Now, I didn’t say have no standards! Just lower them to the point where you can relax. There is no need to rush and fold that load of laundry when your son wants to play just one more game of Uno. Saturday yard work can wait when it’s your first full day of the week spent together as a family.

In 2018, it’s hard to have it all as a mom. As I mentioned earlier, I’m a mom of three young children. I’ve also been married for almost seven years and have worked part-time for the last three years. I’m also a daughter, sister, granddaughter, friend, homeschool mom, lover of music and art. I have so many cups I want to fill but can’t. I’ve accepted that which has allowed me to not only have a deeper understanding of my blueprint but has brought so much happiness to my heart. At one point in time I was that mom that had to have a clean and perfectly organized house because you just don’t know who might pop by. I had to wear make-up to the grocery store. I had to give the impression that my marriage was perfect and children were angels! Then we had a third. Parents of three or more can relate. Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze tight! That’s me sending you all my love because I get it! Baby number three threw off my schedule, body, confidence and standards. At 15 months postpartum, I’m starting to get in a better flow of things. I’m more centered than I was six months ago. A lot of that had to do with finding my blueprint.

I’m in the process of very slowly listening to an audiobook called “Conscious Parenting”. I believe it’s in the third chapter where she mentions that we’re all born with a blueprint and that blueprint becomes buried deep in our souls if it’s not allowed to flourish. The way we are raised coupled with society standards can cause us to lose track of our blueprint. Months before I started listening to the book I was eager for change. I didn’t know what I wanted but I knew it had to start within. In a snap of a finger I decided to follow my heart. My heart was eager for music! I picked up the Ukulele and started singing with the kids. I’m not a great player but it brought me so much joy to learn a new song or chord while the kids were right next to me imitating my behavior on their guitar. I knew from that day I needed to find my center. Part of this meant letting go of the judgement and standards I once had of being a perfect mom/wife and ending the excuses. One thing I did for myself was join a gym. Not a big deal, right? For me it was! Remember, I’m a working mom so what ever money I spent on myself was money away from my family. I had to break that mindset. I was the only one telling myself that! I’ve always enjoyed exercise and the challenges that came along with it. Now, I love killing it at the gym and I love that my kids get to see mommy do something for herself that she enjoys! Am I where I want to be? No, we can’t have it all, right? But I’m so happy with the results so far. Also, I recently hired a cleaning service. Something I’ve always been against. I thought it was lazy to hire someone to clean your house, convenient but lazy. Wow, has that lifted such a burden off my shoulders. I’ve accepted my kids do not care how clean, organized or magazine ready our house looks. They care about the quality time spent with them and the memories they bring up days, months, years later.

The point that I’m trying to make is I don’t have it all and I may never have it all superficially but I have so much love in my heart and every fiber in my body that finally, at 29 years old, I’m living every day with intent and purpose. The purpose of my blog is to lift other mother’s when they’ve had a bad week and say “Hey, I’ve been there and you’re doing great!”. I’m coming into a whole new journey with homeschooling. I know I have my trials ahead but this blog will be a great outlet for all those mommyfails we don’t like to talk about. 😉